The Mirror Model of Social Interaction

Remember your most thrilling encounter with a sexy new acquaintance. Remember your most awkward date. What did the two have in common? You created them both!!!

The Mirror Model of Social Interaction (MMSI) is the latest model engineered at Glowing Face Labs. It's a map of social interaction which puts the interactor (you) in the driver's seat.

The Mirror Model is not literally true. It's BETTER THAN TRUTH. This is a concept from NLP, the notion that we can adopt a not-literally-true model of reality, and it can be more useful than the truth. For example, a standardized city map is more useful to a tourist than a satellite picture, even though the satellite picture is more "real". The Mirror Model of Social Interactions is your standardized city map, and it'll get you around far better than the satellite image would.

The Model says that whatever feelings you have in a social interaction, the other party will mirror. If you feel excited, the hot babe you're talking to will feel equally excited. If you feel awkward, the group in front of you will mirror it. Feel bored, and you shall convey boredom. Shine with joy and everyone around you will reflect it joyfully.

It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Our emotions are reflected in our body language, our voice tonality, our eyes. The people we speak to, pick up subconsciously on these cues. If you're fidgeting nervously, that hot babe will subconsciously group you with all the other guys she's ever talked to who have fidgeted nervously. Those guys probably turned out to be losers, and you'll be lumped among them, because you share that nervous twitch. And the girl you're talking to, is quite oblivious to all this. As far as she consciously knows, you just seem creepy. Which makes her nervous, and not in a good way. On the other hand, feel happy, confident, excited... and it will all pour out and into her, and in the same way, she'll associate you with all the coolest badasses she's met (such as the one and only GlowingFaceMan).

The MMSI is not just an idle model. You can actively exploit it to great benefit in any social interaction. In short, just decide how you want your audience to feel... and feel that way yourself. This might sound hard, but here's an example which illustrates it perfectly...

EXAMPLE

You're on a date. Conversation stalls, and one of those awkward moments comes up. At this point, most people would let the awkward feeling consume them, and their partner would pick up on it instantly. Not GlowingFaceMan. GlowingFaceMan would be aware of the delicate awkward potential, but would choose to ignore it. Ignore it and transform it into an opportunity for an intimate smile. An opportunity for the kind of wordless communication that says so much more than words.

(Protip: you know how when you're with someone you like, you really just want to make them feel good? Well, they want the exact same thing, they want YOU to feel good!! So, the quickest way to make them feel good is to feel good yourself! It can't be the best date ever for one person, and boring for the other, that just doesn't happen!)

Another example. Say you're delivering a public speech. It's something routine, for example you're teaching a class you've taught a dozen times before. A typical person would become bored, and that boredom would seep through every move and every word, ensnaring the audience and sucking them in until the entire audience is half asleep. Don't be this speaker. Instead, when you catch yourself feeling bored, become excited and watch your audience bloom as they mirror it.

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A great teacher once told me this proverb: "Fake it 'til you make it". Say you're going out to meet girls, and you feel awkward doing so, let's say you've always been poor with girls all your life (just as an example). The Mirror Model says that when you speak to them, you'll transmit the awkwardness and they'll mirror it. You scare 'em not because of your looks, or your accent, or your clothes, but because of the fact that THEY scare YOU! The solution to this dilemma is to "fake it til you make it". Even if you DON'T feel confident and happy, just be AWARE of that fact (hat tip Eckhart Tolle), ACCEPT it, and do your best to fake being confident and happy. Don't force it, just be AWARE of how you feel, consciously choose to give a happy/confident appearance, and let it happen. All the while resting in awareness of your feelings. Eventually, after many social interactions, you'll naturally be happy and confident.

When you are happy, the people you're talking to become happy. When you are confident, the people around you bask in your confidence and feel more confident themselves. When you feel at ease and at home, so does your partner.

Smile at the mirror and let it smile back at you. Welcome to GlowingFaceMan's world!!!


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Here are some other things I've written. Merely by reading them, you'll automatically gain +3 to your charisma stat.
Leadership In Relationships
Short Story: The Mirror
The Joys of Change
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