I'm very fascinated with the topic of personal transformation, and I've read about a lot of peoples' transformations. One theme which is common to quite a few of them is the notion of Self Responsibility. Self Responsibility means acknowledging that you are responsible for your life. It means acknowledging that you are the sole master of yourself. When people make drastic life transformations, these transformations are often preceded by a sudden increase of Self Responsibility. Self Responsibility provides the momentum needed to master the most difficult battle you will ever face, the battle against your own self.
Self Responsibility means refusing to view yourself as a victim. The importance of this mental shift cannot be overstated. A victim is powerless. When you view yourself as a victim, it implies you're the victim of someone or something. That means you've given the power of change away to some outside person or thing.
It might well be that, objectively speaking, you really don't have a lot of power. But you always have some power. And if you hold the belief that you are a victim, then what little power you do have, is forfeit.
No matter what your circumstances, no matter how powerful your oppressor, there's only one person who can actually control your thoughts and actions. That person is you. It might even be that if you defy the people controlling you, it can result in injury or death. But even then, the person who sends the signals to your nerves to move and act, is you. Even at price of death, you can still be defiant.
Let's say, for example, you live with your parents, and they impose lots of rules and restrictions on you. You still have the power to defy them. You have the power to simply leave. Where would you go? Well, that's an adventure, but it's entirely up to you. Your parents can give you commands, but they can't control your thoughts and actions. Your parents are not some mind-controlling alien species.
Another example would be your boss. It's easy to forget that our boss has only as much power over us as we give him or her. Even in the military, soldiers have the physical ability to defy orders. It might land them in jail, but they still have choice.
Self-Responsibility can be very uncomfortable. When I take Self-Responsibility, part of that means, I accept all the blame for whatever's wrong in my life. For example, right now, my desk is very disorganized. I clean it, but it gets disorganized again. Self-Responsibility means I take all the blame for my messy desk. That kind of sucks, it would be much more "comfortable" to blame the department for not giving me a better office, or blame my office mates somehow, or even blame my parents for bringing me up in a messy household. But since I want to become neater and more well-organized, it's important for me to accept that I alone am Responsible for any disorganization in my life. My department can't change me, my office mates can't change me, my parents can't change me, only I can make the change.
At the same time, Self-Responsibility is very liberating. Realize that you do have power, indeed you are the only person with power over your life. If anyone else seems to have power, it's because you're giving them power. If a university seems to have power over you, it's because you're giving it power over you. If a partner seems to have power over you, it's because you gave them power over you. If a deadline seems to have power over you, it's because you gave it power over you. You can take that power back at any time. It might hurt; you might get in trouble, get fired, even get arrested, but the power over your own private self, is something you can always claim back.
Even if you want to be complacent and give away power-- say, in exchange for a paycheck or a roof over your head or a college degree or whatever-- at least, be aware of what's going on. Be aware that you've given away this power, and that you could take it back whenever you want.
Here are some other articles I wrote. It's your own responsibility whether or not to read them.
Unconditional Thanksgiving
Would You Worsen The World For A Billion Dollars?
Some Things I'm Ashamed Of
License To Change
Introduction To Toastmasters
Self Responsibility means refusing to view yourself as a victim. The importance of this mental shift cannot be overstated. A victim is powerless. When you view yourself as a victim, it implies you're the victim of someone or something. That means you've given the power of change away to some outside person or thing.
It might well be that, objectively speaking, you really don't have a lot of power. But you always have some power. And if you hold the belief that you are a victim, then what little power you do have, is forfeit.
No matter what your circumstances, no matter how powerful your oppressor, there's only one person who can actually control your thoughts and actions. That person is you. It might even be that if you defy the people controlling you, it can result in injury or death. But even then, the person who sends the signals to your nerves to move and act, is you. Even at price of death, you can still be defiant.
Let's say, for example, you live with your parents, and they impose lots of rules and restrictions on you. You still have the power to defy them. You have the power to simply leave. Where would you go? Well, that's an adventure, but it's entirely up to you. Your parents can give you commands, but they can't control your thoughts and actions. Your parents are not some mind-controlling alien species.
Another example would be your boss. It's easy to forget that our boss has only as much power over us as we give him or her. Even in the military, soldiers have the physical ability to defy orders. It might land them in jail, but they still have choice.
Self-Responsibility can be very uncomfortable. When I take Self-Responsibility, part of that means, I accept all the blame for whatever's wrong in my life. For example, right now, my desk is very disorganized. I clean it, but it gets disorganized again. Self-Responsibility means I take all the blame for my messy desk. That kind of sucks, it would be much more "comfortable" to blame the department for not giving me a better office, or blame my office mates somehow, or even blame my parents for bringing me up in a messy household. But since I want to become neater and more well-organized, it's important for me to accept that I alone am Responsible for any disorganization in my life. My department can't change me, my office mates can't change me, my parents can't change me, only I can make the change.
At the same time, Self-Responsibility is very liberating. Realize that you do have power, indeed you are the only person with power over your life. If anyone else seems to have power, it's because you're giving them power. If a university seems to have power over you, it's because you're giving it power over you. If a partner seems to have power over you, it's because you gave them power over you. If a deadline seems to have power over you, it's because you gave it power over you. You can take that power back at any time. It might hurt; you might get in trouble, get fired, even get arrested, but the power over your own private self, is something you can always claim back.
Even if you want to be complacent and give away power-- say, in exchange for a paycheck or a roof over your head or a college degree or whatever-- at least, be aware of what's going on. Be aware that you've given away this power, and that you could take it back whenever you want.
Here are some other articles I wrote. It's your own responsibility whether or not to read them.
Unconditional Thanksgiving
Would You Worsen The World For A Billion Dollars?
Some Things I'm Ashamed Of
License To Change
Introduction To Toastmasters
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