Raised and sheltered by radical social conservative parents, I was condemned to a lifetime of loneliness and chastity until I took some initiative and self responsibility. I refused to accept a life without love or affection. I stopped seeing myself as a victim of my upbringing and I took action to change my life. I joined the seduction community. If you follow that link, you'll read the story of my time there in greater detail and intimacy. One of the themes of that story is that when you consciously decide to become a sexworthy man, you'll often end up getting worse before you get better.
For me, the evolution took four stages: eunuch, creep, dancing monkey, and finally, sexworthy man. These stages are pretty common among men who join the community from a place of cluelessness about girls. This article is about the third stage, the so-called Dancing Monkey.
In the pickup artist lingo, a dancing monkey is a man who does lots of high-energy tactics to get attention and get responses. Dancing monkeys are generally entertaining, but not fwckable: a girl might laugh at the monkey, even dance or make out with him, but at the end of the night, she probably won't go to his apartment.
In the club, the 'Monkey bounces all over the place, grabs girls, dances like a douchebag, and so on. Outside the club, he's tryhard. In my case, I spoke in perpetual hyperbola, making up transparent non sequiters at every opportunity. For example, someone brings up The Beatles, I'd say: "Oh yeah, I used to be their lead singer. Wrote all their best songs, you know!" The point wasn't to deceive-- people could generally tell I wasn't seriously running for president-- the point was to get attention and responses. It did a great job of that, but it did a lousy job of making people like me for who I am. And a lousy job of getting girls to sleep with me, as well.
I was basically projecting a false mask all the time. The mask of a really high-energy entertainer. If that's your real personality, it can work. In my case, it wasn't my real personality, and so no matter how carefully I tried it, people would always get a creepy vibe between laughing. They were laughing at me instead of laughing with me, because the image I was sending out was incongruent with my core self. (For a lot more on showing your core self, read my awesome article titled, "Openness")
The Urban Dictionary defines a dancing monkey as "Someone who does your bidding, a puppet or lackey." This is less specific than the Community definition, but it still applies pretty well. When I was in that stage, I was "doing peoples' bidding" just like a court jester, juggling my balls to make people laugh and distract them from things. I thought I was being cool, but really I was just being a tool. In the night clubs, other guys ("AMOGs") would even use me, or "tool me". Like when a guy would say "hey go dance with that girl there", it wasn't really because he thought I'd do well with her, but because he himself would look cool by getting me to entertain the group.
When I met my current girlfriend-- shortly after leaving the seduction community-- I wasn't doing any of that attention-grabbing stuff. I was just being totally genuine and open and direct. In that way, I allowed her to be attracted to the real me, without hiding the real me behind lots of incongruent ego projection.
After leaving the seduction community, I kept some dancin' habits o' the monkey for awhile. It mostly came out when I was a little nervous in a social situation. I get nervous, I'd hide behind the old gimmicks without even thinking about it. I'm very thankful my girlfriend and I are open enough with each other that she was able to point this out to me. Nowadays I haven't lapsed back into "monkey mode" in a long time. As a consequence, I get along with people a lot better. I'm finally starting to feel some genuine comfort with social interactions. Not the sheltered naive social retardedness I inherited from a strict Christian upbringing. Nor the creepy high-energy attention grabbers of seduction. Just genuine, natural, drinking-a-beer-together interaction, and I love it.
You might know some dancing monkeys in your own life. I urge you to be patient with them, hopefully it's a phase, like it was for me. I'm very grateful to the friends who stood by my side through the whole process of transformation. Some friends I had in the "eunuch" stage stopped hanging out with me when I went seductor. It shows they were never really interested in the real me, just in the eunuch me who could always be counted on as the asexual guy-sitting-at-the-sidelines.
FURTHER READING
Read about my journey through the shady underground community of pickup artists in the article, My Time in the Seduction Community.
If you're interested in club hopping and bar hopping, make sure to read my article about Hashigo Zake, the Japanese art of getting really drunk all over town. Leave it to the Japanese to make an art out of barhopping :)
In my article, The Throw: Reactivity vs. Responsiveness, I take a look at reactivity, behavior where you're reacting to others, basically letting them control you. With reactive behavior, you're attempting to look cool but you end up looking creepy.
For me, the evolution took four stages: eunuch, creep, dancing monkey, and finally, sexworthy man. These stages are pretty common among men who join the community from a place of cluelessness about girls. This article is about the third stage, the so-called Dancing Monkey.
In the pickup artist lingo, a dancing monkey is a man who does lots of high-energy tactics to get attention and get responses. Dancing monkeys are generally entertaining, but not fwckable: a girl might laugh at the monkey, even dance or make out with him, but at the end of the night, she probably won't go to his apartment.
In the club, the 'Monkey bounces all over the place, grabs girls, dances like a douchebag, and so on. Outside the club, he's tryhard. In my case, I spoke in perpetual hyperbola, making up transparent non sequiters at every opportunity. For example, someone brings up The Beatles, I'd say: "Oh yeah, I used to be their lead singer. Wrote all their best songs, you know!" The point wasn't to deceive-- people could generally tell I wasn't seriously running for president-- the point was to get attention and responses. It did a great job of that, but it did a lousy job of making people like me for who I am. And a lousy job of getting girls to sleep with me, as well.
I was basically projecting a false mask all the time. The mask of a really high-energy entertainer. If that's your real personality, it can work. In my case, it wasn't my real personality, and so no matter how carefully I tried it, people would always get a creepy vibe between laughing. They were laughing at me instead of laughing with me, because the image I was sending out was incongruent with my core self. (For a lot more on showing your core self, read my awesome article titled, "Openness")
The Urban Dictionary defines a dancing monkey as "Someone who does your bidding, a puppet or lackey." This is less specific than the Community definition, but it still applies pretty well. When I was in that stage, I was "doing peoples' bidding" just like a court jester, juggling my balls to make people laugh and distract them from things. I thought I was being cool, but really I was just being a tool. In the night clubs, other guys ("AMOGs") would even use me, or "tool me". Like when a guy would say "hey go dance with that girl there", it wasn't really because he thought I'd do well with her, but because he himself would look cool by getting me to entertain the group.
When I met my current girlfriend-- shortly after leaving the seduction community-- I wasn't doing any of that attention-grabbing stuff. I was just being totally genuine and open and direct. In that way, I allowed her to be attracted to the real me, without hiding the real me behind lots of incongruent ego projection.
After leaving the seduction community, I kept some dancin' habits o' the monkey for awhile. It mostly came out when I was a little nervous in a social situation. I get nervous, I'd hide behind the old gimmicks without even thinking about it. I'm very thankful my girlfriend and I are open enough with each other that she was able to point this out to me. Nowadays I haven't lapsed back into "monkey mode" in a long time. As a consequence, I get along with people a lot better. I'm finally starting to feel some genuine comfort with social interactions. Not the sheltered naive social retardedness I inherited from a strict Christian upbringing. Nor the creepy high-energy attention grabbers of seduction. Just genuine, natural, drinking-a-beer-together interaction, and I love it.
You might know some dancing monkeys in your own life. I urge you to be patient with them, hopefully it's a phase, like it was for me. I'm very grateful to the friends who stood by my side through the whole process of transformation. Some friends I had in the "eunuch" stage stopped hanging out with me when I went seductor. It shows they were never really interested in the real me, just in the eunuch me who could always be counted on as the asexual guy-sitting-at-the-sidelines.
FURTHER READING
Read about my journey through the shady underground community of pickup artists in the article, My Time in the Seduction Community.
If you're interested in club hopping and bar hopping, make sure to read my article about Hashigo Zake, the Japanese art of getting really drunk all over town. Leave it to the Japanese to make an art out of barhopping :)
In my article, The Throw: Reactivity vs. Responsiveness, I take a look at reactivity, behavior where you're reacting to others, basically letting them control you. With reactive behavior, you're attempting to look cool but you end up looking creepy.
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